Releasing Fears Meditation

As a bit of a follow up on my blog on fears last time I want to add to that this time. There are many things we can use to banish our fears... banishment spells, meditations, etc. This time I want to focus on a meditation for releasing fears. Next time I'll include a good spell for getting rid of fears which can also be used to get rid of bad habits. This meditation comes from Grimoire For The Green Witch: A Complete Book of Shadows by Ann Moura, page 175 in Chapter 7 titled Meditations.

Releasing Fears Meditation
Note: This meditation is to help open the line of communication between the Practitioner and the Dark Aspects of the Divine through facing and releasing the fears and anxieties that may have been part of your life for many years.
Have: a purple or black votive working candle; incense of frankincense or sandalwood.
1. May first take a warm, candlelit bath, scented with herbs [rosemary, basil, thyme, valerian; either a combination of these or just one whatever your preference is] tied in a muslin pouch; dress in comfortable clothes or whatever feels natural.
2. Be in a place where you will not be disturbed for quite some time, and have the light off.
3. Light candle and the incense.
4. Gaze into flame, sitting and facing North [may prerecord meditation].
5. Envision the votive candle as the Light that shines in the Land of Shadows; the Lamp that lights the path to wisdom.
6. Enter meditative state; now you are ready to identify and dispel your fears.
7. You are in an atmosphere of safety; sitting within the comfort of a shallow, airy, hermit's cave [or other area to your liking].
See yourself in a small, circular cave with an arched entry that gives you a view of the outside. The stony walls and ceiling form an alcove around you. The ground is covered with moss and leaves, and you are sitting on a soft bearskin rug. You are facing the opening to the cave and can see that you are in a secure place near the top of a mountain, at a vantage point that allows you to look out over the forest beneath the mountain. The Sun is setting, casting long shadows over the land. The cave darkens. The Sun disappears completely, taking the last of the colors with it, and the stars come out in the evening sky. There is a cool breeze bringing the sweet scents of the night to you. You are at peace.
Now that the scene is mentally fixed, focus on a question:
What do I fear?
Images may begin to appear, which may include varieties of deaths, frightening faces, and so forth. Let the images come and go, but with each one that appears, ask:
Why do I fear this?
Listen for the answer, knowing you are safe from any image that appears to you. Then ask:
What are these fears?
Listen to the answers, allowing the images to be unmasked, and realize that once a fear is known and exposed, it no longer has power over you. After you have faced your own fears and unmasked them, banish them with:
The images fade away, often with a little laugh, for fear is only a game, after all, that you had allowed yourself to take too seriously. Stars shine again in the sky, you smile, breathe in deeply the night air, and as you exhale, the tensions of fears dissipate. You take another breath, and inhale the sense of all being right in the world. You are back in your meditation place, and may return to the cave whenever needed.
This is a strong meditation usually used for huge fears that have haunted you for years and kept you from living the full life you wish to have. Although it can work quite well for smaller fears, it is usually best saved for the larger fears because it takes a lot of energy. Of course that is only my experience with it... it may be different for you. Part of the Craft is figuring out your own path, creating your own meditations, spells, and so on, so it is always best to try something out the way you want to do it. I will suggest that you only do this meditation during the waning moon, new moon, or dark of the moon, because it works with the darker aspects of the Goddess, working with your fears and the darker aspect of yourself. Anytime you work with the darker aspect of yourself or the Lord and/or Lady it's usually best to save those workings for waning, new, or dark moons.


Fear And It's Effect on Life

I have 2 months until I move into the dorms at my new University and to be completely honest I'm a little nervous. I guess everyone worries about things like these. I'll be 6 hours away from my mom's house and the only people I know down there I met in a bar (excluding my soon to be roommate). I'm sure everyone worries about making friends and hoping people like them and if I'm honest with myself I have to admit that's not my biggest worry. I worry the most about whether or not I can make it on my own. I allow my mind to worry about small things like the no candles rule in the dorms and how to decorate the living area of my dorm unit but those are just things to keep my mind occupied and away from what scares me the most. I don't want to be alone. I realize that I will probably meet a lot of people and make friends but in the very end I'm on my own, period end of sentence, and that scares the hell out of me.

Secretly, there have been times I've considered not even going. I've thought about just staying where I am and going to the junior college that I've been going to. Then I see the pride in my mom's face when she's telling everyone she knows about me going to the University I'll be going to and I hear the excitement in my soon to be roommate's voice and I can't just not go. Don't misconstrue this, I'm also excited about going, this University was my first choice and I got accepted no questions asked. I love the campus, I like the people that I met, the staff are uncommonly helpful and friendly, as are the students, and it's a great place for me to learn and thrive. It's also a great place for my horse... at least there I'll get to spend everyday with her and maybe I can join the rodeo team in the Spring, but despite all my excitement and joy, there's fear, always fear.

Thinking about fear brings me to a new subject. I've learned the hard way that fear, if you allow it, can keep you from living life altogether. Fear can lead to stupid choices. Fear keeps love out of your heart. My matron Goddess is Aphrodite, Goddess of love (and as such my patron is Adonis as her consort/other half) and love is a predominant force in my life. Love is what drives me. When I realized that fear was what was keeping me from being happy and meeting a guy that I could have a meaningful relationship with I realized that all the failed relationships in the past, and the one tantalizing first love that seemed to constantly tease me, were all lessons from Aphrodite. She wanted me to realize that I was sabotaging my own life and, hard-headed dolt that I am, I completely ignored her and continued stumbling along down the same path, crying to my friends trying to figure out what went wrong. When the answer to the lesson finally sank in through my thick skull, it hit like a ton of bricks. It was one of those moments where I looked at myself and said "Well dumb ass, if you had just listened maybe you wouldn't be in this damn boat!" And yes I really am that rough on myself.

From that lesson sprang my decision to go to the University I chose. It is time to face my fears. I need to learn to look my fears in the face and laugh at them. I'm not saying that I need to be fearless, just that I need not allow them to stop me from living my life. And that's what has been happening for a long time. I happily lived with either my grandparents or my mom and pretended everything was fine and that I was happy and complete. Then over time I started realizing that so many people were having fun and I was sitting at home being bored. I started yearning for that fun and care free way of life and realized that what was keeping me from being like everyone else was fear. An extreme fear of rejection, along with a deep well of anger and mistrust, had manifested many years ago and I allowed it to rule my life. But these things were against my nature... like my matron Goddess, I enjoy gaiety, mirth, smiles, passion, and love. The emotions that ruled my life were contrary to what I naturally embrace, and this hurt me deeper than anything any of my peers could have done to me. Because of that, this journey began, and I am fighting my fears the whole way. I pray that if the fears ever weigh down on my and start to break me again, Aphrodite will help fortify me and help me stand tall.


Intro Blog

Well, I decided to start this blog because I had been running a website called The Witches' Community. I got frustrated because I wanted it to help other Wiccans/Pagans and be a place where they could get together, chat, hang out, and so on. After several months of moving the old site to a newer place that I liked much better and thought others would agree, I only have around 10-12 members and the last login that wasn't me was a week ago. So I'm leaving the site up to be fair to the other members that may or may not show up to it but I think from now on I'm just going to focus on my blog. At least then I'll be doing something helpful for me and not stressing out about whether or not someone is reading this.

So since this is supposed to be an introduction blog I guess I need to tell you guys a little bit about myself. I'm a 21 year old eclectic solitary Pagan. I've been studying Wicca for about 6 years now and I really enjoy and am most comfortable with my new religion. And in ways it is still very new to me... I have a hard time remembering certain things and you would think after 6 years I would be able to remember certain things but alas I still have to check my books every now and then. It doesn't bother me that much though, I usually just follow the Rede and just do whatever feels right to me. Even if I do a ritual and later realize I did some things backwards as compared to some people's formats, I still get things accomplished and usually just as well as any of my other friends that follow a more strict format. I'm a college student about to transfer to a University here in Texas and am currently majoring in Agriculture but when I get to my new University I'll be studying Animal Production and Pre-Vet. I guess you could say I'm a big time country girl. I love wearing my boots (which I need to replace because they are falling apart), driving around in my '95 Dodge pickup, listening to Texas Country, Nashville Country, Rock, Alternative, Classic Rock, and a couple other genres.

One thing I guess I need to tell y'all is that I have a brain and I use it. I'm opinionated and I don't mind sharing my opinions. On here I'll be more open about it than I would in public because when you're in public you need to show a little tact and be polite but here online I'm going to tell you exactly what I think, just like I would if you were one of my close friends, and believe me some of my close friends have sat through rants where they weren't even sure if I was mad at them or just the situation in general... So here's the Surgeon General's Warning on this blog, if you want something candy-coated and "sweet" go somewhere else. If however, you like a straightforward person who will listen to your opinions and share theirs then by all means stick around. Don't however, email me and try to start a fight or something to that extent, you will only be ignored. I'm not saying I'm not open minded or that I'm not open to other people's opinions; on the contrary, I've been known to allow other's opinions to sway my own at times, and I'm always more than willing to listen to someone else's take on things. But I won't pointlessly fight with you over something I feel strongly about. I respect you're view on it, and if we happen to have opposing ideas on it well so be it.

So that's my introduction. In this blog I will share what I've learned, my experiences thus far, and my experiences as a college witch living in the dorms (at least in August and later). At times what I have to say will be funny, at times sad, and other times scary or somewhere in between, but that's life right? Seeing as how I look at this blog as sort of a personal type of journal I will be sharing great parts of my life with you. So I hope you come along for the ride and I hope you enjoy what you read here. If on the other hand I happen to get no readers, oh well, I can still use this blog as a journal. So come along for a wild ride with me as a Witch in college!