I'm up late tonight... can't sleep. All of you should know by now that I recently went through a break up where everything seemed to be going fine in the relationship until he came home and said he didn't love me. This has been eating at me forever. It bothers me because I kept asking him what went wrong, why he didn't love me anymore, and he kept saying nothing that the relationship was perfect, I was wonderful (easy to get along with, fun to be around, beautiful, sexy, etc.) but he just didn't love me. I'd noticed right before he broke up with me he kept getting texts from someone I could have sworn was called Lisa. His phone would go off and I would get a glimpse of a name then he would pull his phone as close to his chest as he could get it even though normally he never hid his phone from me. Then today on Facebook it showed that he became friends with a girl named Lisa. I'm probably just being the paranoid ex and getting jealous over stupid crap, but the girl looks like me, except her hair is shorter which is weird because he swore he doesn't like short hair, he wanted mine longer and mine goes to a little past my shoulders. Her's was up by her ears.
I know, I know, I'm being a weird ex. I just can't bring myself to delete his profile and I torture myself every other day by looking to see if he's updated his status or anything. I miss him so much and it kills me that things didn't work. I want to know why things went wrong instead of just "I don't love you." I miss him and I hate him at the same time... when does it stop? When does it go away? When does it get better? I hate this and the gypsy in me wants to move away from him so bad! I, of course, have to finish school then I'm thinking about moving back to Clarendon and opening a nail salon there. I just want it to get better. I miss home a lot. I miss being able to go outside my front door and see extremely familiar things and drive less than 2 miles to be out of the city limits and enjoy the night sky. I miss being able to drive out to the lake just because I want to, even if there's very little gas in the truck, and I really miss being able to drive out to the ranch and visit Granddad. I'm only an hour away from him right now, but because I'm always trying to keep gas in the truck so I can drive completely across town to school, I never get a chance to go see him. And most of all, I miss the fact that even if I'm hurting, like I was after Gram died, Clarendon has it's silent way of healing me and making everything better. I know almost everyone there, I never struggle to make friends there because I know my friends, and I miss that.
I moved to Amarillo, not just to help my friend with her fake anxiety attacks, but to also meet new people, and maybe meet a man to date, but it seems like I'm living in a city full of strangers. No one wants to meet new people, they would rather just go about their day, then hide in their homes; either that or they want to go out to the bar and pick up one night stands. It's rather frustrating. And it doesn't help that I'm super shy anyway and it's hard for me to open up to new people. Don't get me wrong, I'm nowhere near as shy as I used to be, but it's still really hard for me to walk up to a complete stranger and talk to them. Anyway, I just wanted to rant and rave a little bit. Thanks for listening to me lol.
9/19/2011
9/16/2011
New Parties!
Okay, so I'm way too busy to try to start another blog party for a while, but there are awesome parties going on all over the blog-o-sphere. One that I participated in last year is back already! I'm excited to take part in it. I probably won't be able to contribute every day, but I can at least contribute once a week. Click below to learn more about it!
9/14/2011
Where Have The Days Gone?
Holy Mother Earth, where in the heck have the days gone?! I just logged on today, after receiving my new computer (bought off Ebay), and realized I haven't written anything since Beltane!!! And here it is coming closer to Samhain! Let me catch you up on some of the things that have happened in my life since Beltane.
#1: I moved from Lubbock to Amarillo to be with a friend of mine that I used to consider my sister because she was a single mom having "anxiety attacks". Now, I know you're wondering, "Willow, why do you say you don't consider her a sister anymore?" Well first off, from the moment I moved in with her, she quit her job and decided that as long as I was there I would pay all the bills by myself. Her "anxiety attacks" were just ploys for attention, and then when I wouldn't do everything her way and let her leech off me she bad mouthed me to the rest of my friends. So no, she is no longer my friend.
#2: I started nail tech school and am almost finished with it. I will hopefully be graduating in Mid-October, and plan on opening my own eco-friendly, green salon. I haven't decided where I want to open it yet, but those things will come with time.
#3: I started dating an amazing man and we had the perfect relationship. We didn't fight, the sex was amazing, and we had a wonderful open communication. However, he came home from work one day and told me he didn't love me and didn't want to string me along so we are no longer together. I still miss him every day and wish things were different.
#4: I bought my own house! It's kind of like a trailer house because I have to hire a house moving service any time I need it moved, but it's set up like an RV. It is 400 sq. ft. with living room, full kitchen, full bathroom, bedroom with a queen size bed in it, and a loft. It looks like a log cabin! I'm so proud of it. I am currently renting the land it is sitting on, and will probably be moving it again after I graduate from school because I've had some major disagreements with the manager here. I've found people standing in my driveway staring at my house, which is creepy by itself, but most especially because I am a single woman living alone with just a cat and a dog. When I mentioned something about it to the manager here at the park, he said, "Well what do you want me to do about it? It's a cute house, people want to look at it." Okay, I'm fine with people looking at my house because it is adorable, but don't be standing in my damn driveway!
So that's the major things... that doesn't include the small stuff like the fact that I caught my hand on fire last Saturday and now have second degree burns on 2 of my fingers, and a first degree burn on my index finger. But I know that I've missed my Pagany people so much! There's been so much drama going on that I just haven't had the time for anything. I missed a lot of school and almost got dropped from the program because of all the insanity going on. Now things have settled down much more and I know for sure that I want to finish my nail tech program. Its hard to stay in the habit of going to school everyday when you've missed as much as I did. I now make daily goals for myself. Today my goal was to stay until 5:00. At my school, we have to be there Tuesday through Saturday. Some girls stay from 8:30 to 3:00, some go from 8:30 until 12:30 and the ultimate full timers stay from 8:30 to 5:00. If you stay til 5:00 you get finished faster. My long term goal is to be done by mid-October, short term goal is to get 40 hours a week, and daily goal is to stay until 5:00 everyday.
I've yet to meet up with any Pagany people here in town, although I did email a woman who is setting up a city-wide Samhain festival. I need to carve out some time to call her. I haven't gone to the local Unitarian Universalist church because in all honesty, I have no freaking clue where it is lol. Their website gives an address, but I've yet to find the road they are on so I haven't attended a meeting yet lol. Some day I will find it. So, what all have I missed in your lives?
#1: I moved from Lubbock to Amarillo to be with a friend of mine that I used to consider my sister because she was a single mom having "anxiety attacks". Now, I know you're wondering, "Willow, why do you say you don't consider her a sister anymore?" Well first off, from the moment I moved in with her, she quit her job and decided that as long as I was there I would pay all the bills by myself. Her "anxiety attacks" were just ploys for attention, and then when I wouldn't do everything her way and let her leech off me she bad mouthed me to the rest of my friends. So no, she is no longer my friend.
#2: I started nail tech school and am almost finished with it. I will hopefully be graduating in Mid-October, and plan on opening my own eco-friendly, green salon. I haven't decided where I want to open it yet, but those things will come with time.
#3: I started dating an amazing man and we had the perfect relationship. We didn't fight, the sex was amazing, and we had a wonderful open communication. However, he came home from work one day and told me he didn't love me and didn't want to string me along so we are no longer together. I still miss him every day and wish things were different.
#4: I bought my own house! It's kind of like a trailer house because I have to hire a house moving service any time I need it moved, but it's set up like an RV. It is 400 sq. ft. with living room, full kitchen, full bathroom, bedroom with a queen size bed in it, and a loft. It looks like a log cabin! I'm so proud of it. I am currently renting the land it is sitting on, and will probably be moving it again after I graduate from school because I've had some major disagreements with the manager here. I've found people standing in my driveway staring at my house, which is creepy by itself, but most especially because I am a single woman living alone with just a cat and a dog. When I mentioned something about it to the manager here at the park, he said, "Well what do you want me to do about it? It's a cute house, people want to look at it." Okay, I'm fine with people looking at my house because it is adorable, but don't be standing in my damn driveway!
So that's the major things... that doesn't include the small stuff like the fact that I caught my hand on fire last Saturday and now have second degree burns on 2 of my fingers, and a first degree burn on my index finger. But I know that I've missed my Pagany people so much! There's been so much drama going on that I just haven't had the time for anything. I missed a lot of school and almost got dropped from the program because of all the insanity going on. Now things have settled down much more and I know for sure that I want to finish my nail tech program. Its hard to stay in the habit of going to school everyday when you've missed as much as I did. I now make daily goals for myself. Today my goal was to stay until 5:00. At my school, we have to be there Tuesday through Saturday. Some girls stay from 8:30 to 3:00, some go from 8:30 until 12:30 and the ultimate full timers stay from 8:30 to 5:00. If you stay til 5:00 you get finished faster. My long term goal is to be done by mid-October, short term goal is to get 40 hours a week, and daily goal is to stay until 5:00 everyday.
I've yet to meet up with any Pagany people here in town, although I did email a woman who is setting up a city-wide Samhain festival. I need to carve out some time to call her. I haven't gone to the local Unitarian Universalist church because in all honesty, I have no freaking clue where it is lol. Their website gives an address, but I've yet to find the road they are on so I haven't attended a meeting yet lol. Some day I will find it. So, what all have I missed in your lives?
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