I'm sorry I disappeared again. I have another post ready to be put up on my computer but things have been busy and I haven't had time to make it to the library. I would just use my blackberry to post it like I do with these but I don't get cell service at the ranch and our small town doesn't have any wifi spots. But I promise I will get to the library asap and post fresh stuff. I need to do some housekeeping on the blog as well because we'll be having visitors June 9th.
Anyway, things are okay with me and Granddad. Granddad is smiling more and I'm learning to reach out to friends rather than push them away. I have a friend in town that I went to junior high with, named Miss J, that lost her mama a year ago to cancer and I've been spending a lot of time with her. Sometimes we talk about my grandma and her mom but usually we talk about old times or the town gossip and just being around someone who has been there is very healing and helpful.
I do have one concern that I want to ask you guys about. I've been having this nightmare every night since Gram was buried. In it Gram is skeletal and has hands like claws. She's chasing me around the house to attack me and claw my throat out. It scares me enough that I have a hard time walking through the house in the dark, my overactive imagination conjures images of Gram hiding in the dark waiting for me and I have to turn the lights on. Now what bothers me the most and truly hurts me is that I know Gram would never ever do that and telling myself that and knowing it in my heart doesn't make the nightmare go away. Miss J says its part of the grieving process, but since I've not been there before I wouldn't know. If any of you have any advice please let me know what you think.