The Books Are In The Mail

Mr. J went with me down to the post office and wrote down the addresses for me. I think the lady working got very tired of us because we had a million questions about shipping, etc. Eventually we got everything figured out and I think the lady was extremely happy to see us leave. I thought people were finally starting to understand that Pagans aren't evil but you try walking into the local post office with five different books about Witchcraft and tell me what kind of funny looks you get.

Mr. J and I walked in with the books in my purse and I laid them out on a counter separate from the mailing counter because I didn't want to get in anyone's way while I was trying to gather the correct boxes and envelopes. Of course I kept the books out in the open so I could measure for boxes and I left them out until Mr. J had the boxes correctly folded and all that. A few people walked past that didn't say anything but there were quite a few strange looks and many people looked at me like they wished they had holy water to throw in my face. But the time there at the post office was an adventure. Anyway, I am going to take a nap. Dirge and Julie, let me know when you guys get your books.


A Friend's Giveaway

There's a new giveaway over at Witchin' In The Kitchen. It's her first giveaway ever and she's got some pretty neat stuff up for grabs. It's definitely worth your time to hop on over there and check it out!

A New Tarot Layout

This is the post that Mr. Giant is so excited about. First let me give you a little bit of a school update. Mr. Giant has been living with me for about two months now. We don't really know if we're dating or what. I do know that I am very emotionally attached to him and at times that scares me. We only have two weeks of school left and things are so uncertain right now. As you all know I have a lot going on in my life as does Mr. Giant so neither one of us is certain about anything other than knowing that we are for sure coming back to school in August.

We have not made love and we've only kissed once but there is a lot of flirting and playfulness that doesn't happen in platonic relationships. Right now about all I know is that I'm addicted to him holding me at night, I'm addicted to the way he smells, and when he smiles my world lights up. I know those are supposed to be good things but they scare me sometimes too because everything is so uncertain. I'm not really sure what to think or do but I value every moment I have with him and I thank Aphrodite every night for blessing my life with Mr. Giant.

Anyway, about the layout. This layout came to me while Mr. Giant and I were having a "tarot party," as we call them. Miss K and her boyfriend were over here and we were just playing around with the cards. Someone wanted me to do the daily spread for them which consists of five cards laid out with one card at the top, one at the bottom, and three in the middle. You lay them out in a clockwise motion and they cover work, home, unexpected occurrences, obstacles, and the outcome of the day. I never really like that layout and as I sat there looking at the cards while Miss K and her boyfriend playfully created false meanings for the cards I realized that I liked how the cards were laid out just not what they meant.

I leaned over to Mr. Giant who was sitting next to me on the couch and said, "You know, this layout would work much better as a relationship layout. The two cards on the top and bottom represent the people in the relationship, and the three in the middle represent past, present, and future." Mr. Giant's eyes got really big and he suggested we try it out on the cards Miss K and her boyfriend had laid out there. The layout worked quite well with them, then he asked to do a reading using the new layout on us, as in me and Mr. Giant. Miss K laid the cards out for us and read from the book to give us an answer because I felt like I was too biased to be able to interpret it. The picture below is of the reading done on me and Mr. Giant (I think). I'll tell you guys the cards that were in our reading in case I took a picture of the wrong reading we did several testing out the new layout.

This is the way the cards lay. The one on the top represents the partner that wears the pants in the relationship which should be complimentary to the other person in the relationship represented by the card on the bottom. Relationships should be reassessed if there are extreme differences in these cards such as the dominant card being a ten of swords with the other card being a three of wands because this could be an indication that someone is too domineering. The three cards in the middle represent past, present, and future which generally should tell you how they met, where the relationship is now, and where it is headed if things stay the way they are. These cards should also give indications on things that need work, what they can do to improve the relationship, or show signs of danger, etc.

Mine and Mr. Giant's cards were the Five of Pentacles on top representing him, the Four of Pentacles on bottom representing me, Temperance in the past, the Lovers in the present, and the Queen of Pentacles in the future. Miss K read the meanings of them from the book and told us that we are a really good match but we have a lot of things to discuss and figure out before we can be together. That sounded really good to me lol. If any of you guys are familiar with the tarot and would like to interpret mine and Mr. Giant's reading I'm open to any interpretations you have and even if you just have some advice in general I'm open to that too. Just leave me comments!

Mr. Giant has been pushing me for weeks to share this with you guys. He was so excited when I used this new layout. Sometimes I think he's just fascinated with my gifts. Of course he has gifts of his own. He sees ghosts where as I just feel them, he has prophetic dreams like I do, and he's sensitive to energy. I can sense that he has many more gifts than that and he has yet to find them. As I said earlier he truly is a blessing from Aphrodite. It is a huge breath of fresh air to be able to share all this with him and not feel like he's looking at me like I'm a freak. His calm acceptance and understanding gives me strength when I dearly need it.


Fresh Update

Ok so this is going to be the first post of the night then I have a couple other things I want to share with you. They might be split up into two posts, I haven't decided yet. First I want to say I think Gram is doing well. She's not happy about going through what she's going through so she's taking things out on Mom and the rest of the family but personally I think it will pass. She hasn't been mean to me on the phone so far but things might change when I go home in a couple of weeks. School ends on May 12 for me then I'm going to the doctor at my mom's to make sure I'm 100% healthy before going home. So we'll see how things really are then.

I have a question for you guys. Why is it that when bad stuff comes into your life it's never one thing at a time? I ask this because after finding out about Gram I decided to go to my mom's house for a little weekend break from school and my dad ran over my 13 year old German Shepherd. Now I'm a smart person, I've grown up around animals, had animals all my life, so I know not to touch an animal in pain but like a dumbass I reached for my dog and she promptly bit my right hand which just so happens to be my dominant hand.
The tip of my index finger had to be stitched up and the doctor isn't sure if my nail will grow back or not. The middle finger's third knuckle is cracked, the pinkie's second knuckle is also cracked and my pinkie nail has been broken completely across but the crack in it will grow out as my nail grows. The ring finger and thumb took no damage.

So now I'm trying to do everything with my left hand and it sucks. My dog had to be put down because her hips broke when the truck hit her. Daddy buried her at the farm, Mr. Cup and Mr. Giant helped him bury her.
And I guess that's all for this update. I'm about to write another post that Mr. Giant has been pushing me to share with you guys. I think Mr. Giant is more excited about it than I am lol.


Thank You to All of My Readers!

I just wanted to write a quick post tonight after the update I gave you guys about Gram. First I want to say, even after I first told everyone about Gram, I've received several new readers. I am very grateful for that. Welcome all newcomers, I am so happy and feel so blessed that you chose to stay and follow my blog even during a time in my life when my writing is not what it normally is. Next, I would like to say thank you so much to everyone who has been here with me from the beginning. Everyone's helpful words are greatly appreciated. I have an award for every single one of you guys that I made myself. Grab it and display it if you like, if not that's fine too, just know that every single one of you guys is appreciated and valued in my life.


Update On Grandma

Today is Grandma's birthday so I called her to say Happy Birthday. She sounded much better on the phone, and my aunt was there so I got a complete update on everything. The doctor told Gram they want her to try the chemo, which will give us another year with her, because they want to try to contain the cancer to get her potassium levels back up. They told her the decision is completely hers and that she doesn't have to do it just because they want her to. She told them she's not a quitter and she wants to try it.

Everyone is holding onto hope. Things are getting better but we all know how cancer works so we're trying not to be unrealistic either. I asked Granddad if it is still okay for me to come home over the summer and he said that it's always been my home and if anyone tries to tell me otherwise they have to go through him first. So I'll be going home as soon as school is over, well after I go to the doctor and make sure I'm 100% healthy before going home. At first I'm going to try to hold down a summer job in town at one of our locally owned restaurants but like Granddad told me I have to be ready to take care of Gram at the drop of a hat so if my employers don't understand that I won't work. So far that's all we know. Gram is going to try the next two rounds of chemo and they are trying to lower her dosage of morphine. I have more things I would like to share with you guys that are more blog related and I'll get around to that in a couple of days, I just wanted to update everyone. Also, to Julie and Dirge, I get my check this coming up Tuesday so as soon as I get that I'll drop your books in the mail. I apologize for taking so long on that.


I have to put everything on hold. My grandma has cancer and we only have til the end of summer with her. I don't know how to cope with this...


The Second Place Winner of the Fiftieth Post Giveaway Is...

Only two of the books were claimed by Dirge so Miss K and I drew another winner and the second place winner is ... JULIE CORNEWELL! Julie, contact me within the next three days and let me know if you want any of the books left over. Dirge claimed both of the Green Witchcraft books by Ann Moura so you get to choose from Living Wicca, The Craft: A Witch's Book of Shadows, To Stir a Magick Cauldron, and Buckland's Complete Book of Witchcraft.


The Winner of The Fiftieth Post Giveaway Is...

Miss K and I just drew the winner and the winner is ... DIRGESINGER! Dirge, get in touch with me, within three days, either through my blog, facebook, or email and let me know the books you want. If you only want a couple of them let me know so I can draw for a second place winner and they can choose out of the ones you haven't claimed! Thanks to everyone who participated. Remember, as soon as Ahna starts feeling better again we'll be doing giveaways with Ahna's makeup and her friend Jenny's stuff so don't get discouraged, there is more to come!

Another Award

Hi everyone! Sorry I didn't post anything all weekend. A friend of mine had a weekend long birthday party about 2 hours away and Miss K, Miss K's boyfriend, Mr. Giant, and I, plus a few others went to celebrate our friend's birthday. I'll be announcing the winner of the giveaway in just a moment, Miss K and I have to draw a winner because we didn't get around to it this weekend ... I'm sorry about that.

Anyway, the purpose of this post is to let all of you guys know that the blog has won another award! It was given to me by Linda Medrano over at The Good, The Bad, The Worse and I am very honored to receive this award!

This award is given to bloggers that you believe have wonderful, honest content. The rules are as follows:

1. Brag about the award.
2. Include the name of the blogger who gave it to you and link back to them.
3. Choose a selection of blogs that you find brilliant in honest content.
4. Show their names and links and leave a comment informing them that they were prized with this award.
5. List at least ten honest things about yourself.

So the bloggers I would like to give this award to are:

Amber over at Airing My Dirty Landry...
Magalay over at Pagan Culture

I'm sure there are a few other people I could give this to but I can't think of more right now, I'll probably add more to this later lol...

Ten honest things about myself:

1. I love thunder storms.
2. My friends and family mean more to me than anything else in my life.
3. I am a huge nerd and love to read all the time.
4. I love swimming.
5. I have an affinity with fire. I am so completely obsessed with fire that my mom almost took me to a therapist because she was afraid I would burn the house down (although I never would have, I just liked lighting candles and stuff like that).
6. I tend to fall in love with really bad guys and put the good guys in the friend box.
7. I literally need people to take care of.
8. I want to name one of my sons Cooter.
9. I am an empath. Meaning I can feel other people's emotions (and believe me sometimes that is a pain in the butt!)
10. I hate wearing jewelry but I buy it all the time.

So that's all for this award! I'll be contacting Magalay and Amber in a moment. Thank you so much Linda for this wonderful award!


A Short Story I Wrote

I wanted to share a short story that I wrote with you guys but it's way too long to put in a single post so I uploaded it to Google docs and made it accessible to everyone. It's called Constance, and I wrote it about a year ago. It is about an extremely vivid dream that I had when I was younger. I would consider it a past life dream but you guys are free to share your own opinions. I hope you enjoy. Let me know what you think of it! Click here to go to the public link for it.

Just Randomness

Well, I've done laundry today, I've played video games, and am about to do homework. I wish I could find something to do. I may go out to a picnic area here and take pictures of the night. If they don't come out right I'll be disappointed but at least I'll have tried right? There are three more days until the drawing for the giveaway. I fear I didn't set the draw date soon enough because to be completely honest, I almost forgot about it myself. Within the next three days I'll start writing down the names of everyone who has entered (with the multiple entries as well), but you still have time to put your name in the pot last minute. Stop by the fiftieth post and follow the rules outlined at the bottom to enter. I apologize for this first giveaway not running as smoothly as it could have but there are always problems when you're first learning anything.


Self Empowering Mondays: Dark Side Meditation

Linda dropped by yesterday to say happy Easter, and mentioned it was a time of rebirth. It got me thinking, you can't have rebirth without some sort of death, so for our Self Empowering Mondays post today I wanted to share another meditation I wrote. This meditation can be used during the waning moon (now lol), or during the dark of the moon. I think this meditation is fitting.

Because I don't use any tools, this meditation involves visualizing everything. Find a place where you will be alone and in complete darkness. Sit or lie comfortably and take a few deep breaths. Calm your mind, relax every muscle. Once you are completely calm visualize that you are seated at a comfortably used table. Behind you are a couple windows. Depending on the moon phase there may be little or no stars shining through the window. The cottage smells of herbs, burning wood, and incense. On the table in front of you is a black mirror standing on a mirror stand, and a candle placed so that it shines in the mirror but does not take over the entire mirror.

This place feels safe and comfortable to you, you know that nothing can hurt you here. Gaze into the mirror and repeat three times, "I see my darker side." Feel free to reword that if you need to. Stare into the mirror. Watch just above the flame. Images may start to appear. They may show up as a pictures, movie style visions, words, or just ideas. Allow each image to stay as long as it will, do not try to force it to stay longer. Once you get a clear idea on what it means to you, allow yourself to fully and completely accept it. Do this with each image until none appear anymore.

This is where the death part comes in. It is always good to accept your dark side. There is nothing wrong with it. There has to be dark for there to be light, bad for there to be good, etc. But, I'm betting you fear your darker side a little bit. People always fear the unknown. You think you can't understand it, it's socially unacceptable, so you push it to the back of your mind and never think about it. So, because you are sitting down and taking the time to understand and accept your dark side, you will not be afraid of it. It may be scary at first but the more you understand the less scary it will be. The death of your fear brings about the rebirth of you. You will understand yourself better, which in turn, will make you feel more empowered.

After you have assessed all the images, spend a little more time in your cottage and just breathe and feel the new emotions running through you. Come back to yourself by slowly breathing and counting down from 10 to 1 with each number bringing you one step closer to yourself. Once you are fully aware in your real room, write down your meditation and anything you learned from it. Use this meditation a few times until you get a good idea about your dark side, then use it once a month during the dark of the moon. Remember, many people may expect many different things from you, but I want you to be empowered!


The Answers Are Within You

First, let me say, I'm glad to be back. I missed everyone! I was just entirely too stressed to handle writing anything this week. I'm sorry I missed Self Empowering Mondays, I didn't feel personally empowered enough to be able to writing a self empowering post. If I did it would have fallen flat.

So, I have a couple of things to tell you. First my grandma is having some back problems. T-10 in her back is completely collapsed and they found some scar tissue in her lung. She's been to the doctor getting tests run today to find out if she is capable of going through the non-invasive surgery to fix her vertebra (did I spell that right? In the right context?) and I think they've decided to leave the scar tissue alone because it's only about an inch big and at the very top of her lung so it apparently isn't hurting anything. So I've been in a little bit of a funk with all this going on. Things seem to be getting better though.

Second, I had a very amazing things happen to me last night. Well it started with a bad thing and ended with something pretty cool. Mr. Cup and I are currently fighting because he is a disrespectful jerk that doesn't understand that he deeply hurt my feelings. He was supposed to go to the bar with me, Mr. Sci-fi, and Mr. Giant, but instead he decided he was going to blow us off to stay in his room and talk to some girl that he thinks he's going to date even though she lives several hours away and isn't going to come to our school. So I got really upset and decided to come back to my room and Mr. Giant came with me. He was trying to cheer me up. In all reality all I wanted to do was lay in bed and cry all night, but Mr. Giant wasn't having that. He sat and watched New Moon with me, his choice not my mine lol, then he started watching Harry Potter and I fell asleep during that.

But what I want to tell you about has nothing to do with the movies. Mr. Giant sat on my bed while I was in the bathroom and when I came out he had my new set of tarot cards in his hands and wanted to know what they were. I was a little worried about telling him what they were but I told him anyway and he was really fascinated with them and wanted me to do a reading on him. So we went through several readings and I learned some new things about him that I'd never known. Then I decided I wanted to use my Druidcraft Tarot cards because I've had them a little longer and wanted to see what they would have to say. So I held them in my hands and asked "How can Mr. Giant heal his pain," I didn't ask about specific pain because I didn't know what kind of pain it was, I just sensed a really deep well of pain.

I never even got a chance to shuffle the cards or even lay them out. I asked they question twice in my mind and after the second time, answers starting flowing into my mind. As they came I told them to Mr. Giant and talked to him about all of it. They were all spot on and I didn't even get to look at the cards. Mr. Giant was amazed and I was a little freaked out at first because that has never happened to me before. However, after my initial "Oh my God, that was new! Where did that come from," reaction, I calmed down and just accepted it. Now I'm a little proud of myself for it. After that, Mr. Giant said he was confused about where to start to heal and work on some problems he has. I had discussed some options with him but he wanted to see what the cards said so I threw them out for him.

I didn't write down any of the cards from the readings, although I admit I should have. But the first few blatantly told him "The answers are within you." And he got so worried because he didn't know where to start. So we sat and discussed his choices and what he could do to make things better. I don't want to tell you what he's working at because it's actually really deeply personal. But after that, he asked if he would ever be happy in life. I of course told him that he would only be happy in life if he allowed himself to be happy but he wanted to ask the cards because he was so fascinated with them. So I asked the cards and the end result card was Justice. He's used to being treated badly so getting the Justice card told me that things would change for him and that the bad things that had happened in his life would come to justice and that he would get what is coming to him. I feel he will get good things because he is a good person who has been hurt deeply and I told him that. After that we put the cards away and started watching movies and I fell asleep. Currently he is still asleep in my bed while I'm sitting on my floor watching Nikelodeon.

But this morning I started thinking about the cards that said the answers are within you and the Justice card. The answers to your deepest fears, worries, and even your deepest happiness, all lie within you. You choose how your life is going to turn out because you choose how you will perceive it. If you look at life like it sucks all the time, it will, but if you wake up and tell yourself that you are a good person, you deserve good things, and you find the joy around you, your life is going to be pretty good. No use living for tomorrow, life has already started, live for the here and now!