Since moving to the town my university is in, I've learned so many wonderful lessons. Thankfully they have been happy, freeing lessons. The biggest lesson has been a lesson in confidence. Before transferring, I had no friends, except for my online friends and my friends that I'd gone to school with from elementary school through high school. Meeting new people was hard for me because I was painfully shy and so scared of rejection, to the point that I didn't try to meet new people, and Goddess forbid if the teacher called on me in class. Just answering questions that I knew the answers to was torture, if I wasn't staring at my desk while answering the teacher, I was staring directly at the teacher and as soon as I was finished I stared at my desk, face burning.
Now things are vastly different. After I got sick of being the way I was, I decided I needed a big time change. So, I started researching universities to transfer to. The idea was, new school, new me. So I spent a whole lot of time researching new schools. Finally I came upon the website for my current school and liked what I saw. Then I researched the town long before I scheduled a tour of the school. Then I announced to my family that I was thinking about transferring here. "Coincidentally," my grandma came upon an article in one of our favorite magazines about the town. I felt a pull toward this place that was really hard to deny.
So, in true Pagan fashion, I followed my intuition and moved four hours away from my mom and a little over seven hours away from my grandparents. The first two weeks here were rough because I didn't have a roommate and I didn't know anyone here. But, the first hall meeting we had broke the ice and I met Miss K and her roommate. Miss K and I became inseparable and I met a lot of people through her because she is a very open person and meets people very easily. As the semester moved along, my confidence grew. Walking across campus and smiling and waving at almost everyone I passed really helped.
Then, over Christmas break, I was going over some of my books on Paganism, and I realized something. I'd always wondered what was holding me back, in my mundane and magickal life. Finally I realized it was my confidence level that held me back. I had always been able to work magick and I got results, just not the big results I wanted. With a higher confidence level, I have been able to choose a path that fits me, and my magick has gotten so much better! Many young people with low self-esteem turn to the craft because it is very empowering, but until you raise your self-esteem and confidence you wont get as far in the craft as you want.
You hear a lot about the mysteries of the craft, but sometimes those mysteries are not explained and people are left wondering why they don't understand. The mysteries aren't that mysterious though. They are your personal secrets. Do you meditate differently than some of the people you've spoken to about it, or than what you've read? That's one of your mysteries. The way you perceive Deity is your mystery. One of my mysteries is this: Your confidence and self-esteem can either hinder or help your magick. Not only can having high self-esteem and confidence levels greatly improve your mundane life, it makes your magickal intent more meaningful and powerful. Now, I don't want to make this post too long and boring so I will end it here; however, I will be writing another post discussing positive affirmations, boosting positivity, and a few other things to help you raise your confidence and self-esteem.