9/30/2010
It's Almost Here!!!
I am so excited right now! Tomorrow Mrs. B's 31 Days of Halloween begins! I'm a participant in her Haunted Blog Tour (I'm featured tomorrow!!!) and I will be her guest blogger on October 17th! Can you feel the excitement in the air? I cannot, and I mean CANNOT wait for tomorrow! Now, as part of her 31 Days of Halloween, and as part of my own October celebrations, I will be launching a new giveaway tomorrow. I really hope you guys will like it, so come by tomorrow (or tonight if you're online after 12 AM central time) and enter the giveaway. After that, look forward to another giveaway that starts on the 5th of October. Also, don't forget to sign up for my Inspiring Witches Halloween Blog Party, the party starts October 13th. Grab the button for the party from my sidebar and let everyone know you're participating! We're gonna have so much fun this month guys! I hope you all enjoy it as much as I know I will!
9/29/2010
Magick: Allow Your Gifts To Work
This is another blog inspired by something I found on Seededbuzz. This time I found a blog entitled Yesterday, Today, Tomorrow: Paranormal Day is Here, and it got me thinking about the serious conversation I had with the boyfriend last night. The boyfriend is very magickally gifted in his own right. He will be amazing once he learns more about his gifts, and that's something I'm helping him with. But what I mainly want to talk about is this: in Yesterday, Today, Tomorrow: Paranormal Day is Here, Kelley Harrell talks about allowing yourself to believe the things you see and deal with are real.
A lot of us have problems with writing things off and saying, "This has to be my imagination, this can't be real, this can't be happening." Now, most of we Pagans don't have that issue, at least to a certain extent. Usually we look at things and to us they are very real. However, I sometimes have the problem of thinking things like, "Maybe this is beyond my reach." I believe in the things I see and feel and I know they are real but sometimes when I'm learning how to handles some of my gifts I might limit myself by thinking things like, "Maybe I can't do this to the magnitude I want," or "What if other people think this is just a silly parlor trick."
But I caught myself not doing what I preach last night. The boyfriend and I had the whole "Guess what honey, I'm a witch," conversation last night and surprisingly, after explaining to him that there is a difference between good and bad witches, he took it so well and started talking to me about his gifts. After I told him about my affinity with Fire, we discovered that he has an affinity with Air. He knew he was an empath (as am I), and he knew he has visions and prophetic dreams, but he didn't know that he could be an amazing healer.
His grandmother was a healer, and she could heal people as easily as snapping her fingers. I sensed that he had received that gift from her when she passed on so I asked him, "Do you want to be a healer?" Instantly he said yes but he said that he is afraid that he can't be as good as him grandmother was. This is going to sound really corny when I tell you this but when he said that I flashed back to a scene in Disney's Halloweentown when the grandma tells Marny that working magick is simple, all you have to do is want something and then let yourself have it.
That statement is very true. So I told him the exact same thing. "Magick is easy, all you have to do is want something, then allow yourself to do it or have it." Of course I explained to him that while it sounds really easy it can be quite difficult to make your own insecurities shut up enough to allow you to do the things you want. While I was telling him that, the little witch that lives inside my mind (also known as my conscience) was telling me, "Yeah Willow, that's nice. Tell your boyfriend to break through his insecurities and fears and that can't attitude while you sit back and allow your insecurities, fears, and can't attitude stop you from what you're capable of."
Needless to say I told that little witch to shut up, finished my conversation with the boyfriend and helped him work on focusing energy (which he had already worked on before so it wasn't that complicated of a thing) and creating energy balls between our hands. Have you ever had Fire energy and Air energy mix together between two palms? It's the coolest and strangest feeling on the planet! For me, I could feel the warmth of my energy through my palm, then I felt a cool breeze lift up from his palm, and our energies met between our palms and swirled together. The energy was so cool combined! It was very electric and you could feel that they mixed together well, but the weirdest part of it was they were together yet you could tell the difference in the swirls. If you could have visibly seen it, it would have looked like a marble cake.
So, while I am teaching the boyfriend how to work with his gifts, I'm also getting back in touch with mine, and trying to learn more about the gifts I received from my grandma when she passed on. While I am breaking down the barriers that I put in the way of my gifts, I'm teaching the boyfriend not to form those barriers at all. And I want everyone to remember that if you say you can't do something, you're right! Break down those barriers, want your gifts to work, and allow them to do so, because they will willingly work with you!
PS As part of the Seededbuzz agreement, I also have to tell you that someone else was inspired by Yesterday, Today, Tomorrow: Paranormal Day is Here and you can read her post here.
A lot of us have problems with writing things off and saying, "This has to be my imagination, this can't be real, this can't be happening." Now, most of we Pagans don't have that issue, at least to a certain extent. Usually we look at things and to us they are very real. However, I sometimes have the problem of thinking things like, "Maybe this is beyond my reach." I believe in the things I see and feel and I know they are real but sometimes when I'm learning how to handles some of my gifts I might limit myself by thinking things like, "Maybe I can't do this to the magnitude I want," or "What if other people think this is just a silly parlor trick."
But I caught myself not doing what I preach last night. The boyfriend and I had the whole "Guess what honey, I'm a witch," conversation last night and surprisingly, after explaining to him that there is a difference between good and bad witches, he took it so well and started talking to me about his gifts. After I told him about my affinity with Fire, we discovered that he has an affinity with Air. He knew he was an empath (as am I), and he knew he has visions and prophetic dreams, but he didn't know that he could be an amazing healer.
His grandmother was a healer, and she could heal people as easily as snapping her fingers. I sensed that he had received that gift from her when she passed on so I asked him, "Do you want to be a healer?" Instantly he said yes but he said that he is afraid that he can't be as good as him grandmother was. This is going to sound really corny when I tell you this but when he said that I flashed back to a scene in Disney's Halloweentown when the grandma tells Marny that working magick is simple, all you have to do is want something and then let yourself have it.
That statement is very true. So I told him the exact same thing. "Magick is easy, all you have to do is want something, then allow yourself to do it or have it." Of course I explained to him that while it sounds really easy it can be quite difficult to make your own insecurities shut up enough to allow you to do the things you want. While I was telling him that, the little witch that lives inside my mind (also known as my conscience) was telling me, "Yeah Willow, that's nice. Tell your boyfriend to break through his insecurities and fears and that can't attitude while you sit back and allow your insecurities, fears, and can't attitude stop you from what you're capable of."
Needless to say I told that little witch to shut up, finished my conversation with the boyfriend and helped him work on focusing energy (which he had already worked on before so it wasn't that complicated of a thing) and creating energy balls between our hands. Have you ever had Fire energy and Air energy mix together between two palms? It's the coolest and strangest feeling on the planet! For me, I could feel the warmth of my energy through my palm, then I felt a cool breeze lift up from his palm, and our energies met between our palms and swirled together. The energy was so cool combined! It was very electric and you could feel that they mixed together well, but the weirdest part of it was they were together yet you could tell the difference in the swirls. If you could have visibly seen it, it would have looked like a marble cake.
So, while I am teaching the boyfriend how to work with his gifts, I'm also getting back in touch with mine, and trying to learn more about the gifts I received from my grandma when she passed on. While I am breaking down the barriers that I put in the way of my gifts, I'm teaching the boyfriend not to form those barriers at all. And I want everyone to remember that if you say you can't do something, you're right! Break down those barriers, want your gifts to work, and allow them to do so, because they will willingly work with you!
PS As part of the Seededbuzz agreement, I also have to tell you that someone else was inspired by Yesterday, Today, Tomorrow: Paranormal Day is Here and you can read her post here.
9/28/2010
Dancing Under My Tree, Dear.
"Willow, what are you doing," the boyfriend calmly asks.
"I'm dancing under my tree, dear. What else would I be doing in the yard under the tree," I reply with a smile on my face.
"Okay, I guess what I should have asked is this: why are you dancing under your tree?" His face was calm and composed, the boyfriend doesn't let much surprise him or freak him out. And that has got to be a major plus in our relationship, after all, he is dating a witch.
I must have looked quite comical because I was wearing these crazy socks, no shoes, baby blue basketball shorts, and a dark blue t-shirt that reads "Don't Mess With Texas" and dancing around, waving my arms and generally acting like I had been infected with the brain fever.
"Because my damn neighbors can't seem to mind their own business, so I thought I would entertain them tonight," I replied, smiling from ear to ear.
A question mark was clearly drawn on his face, but bless his heart all he said was, "Well okay then, I'll leave you to it."
Now I'm not gonna lie, I can be a little bit of an attention freak. When he didn't ask me exactly what had brought me so far as to dance around under my tree in my crazy socks I got a little sad.
"You're not going to ask me what they did this time that made me dance under my tree in my crazy socks?"
"Nope, if you're acting like you've lost your mind I'm pretty sure you have a good reason and I would rather just let you continue with whatever it is your doing than interrupt you."
Well that just took the fun right out of it for me. I don't know about you guys, but sometimes I like to do weird stuff like dance under my tree and generally act like my brain has gone missing just because most people will ask why. When the boyfriend just let it go I was thinking to myself "What do I have to do to make him really ask WHAT THE HELL?" So far I haven't found it...
One day my dear, one day I will finally do that one thing that will make you stop and go "Willow, what in the hell are you doing? Have you lost your mind," and then you will laugh at the insanity that is Willow and I will finally have the satisfaction of surprising you!
"I'm dancing under my tree, dear. What else would I be doing in the yard under the tree," I reply with a smile on my face.
"Okay, I guess what I should have asked is this: why are you dancing under your tree?" His face was calm and composed, the boyfriend doesn't let much surprise him or freak him out. And that has got to be a major plus in our relationship, after all, he is dating a witch.
"Because my damn neighbors can't seem to mind their own business, so I thought I would entertain them tonight," I replied, smiling from ear to ear.
A question mark was clearly drawn on his face, but bless his heart all he said was, "Well okay then, I'll leave you to it."
Now I'm not gonna lie, I can be a little bit of an attention freak. When he didn't ask me exactly what had brought me so far as to dance around under my tree in my crazy socks I got a little sad.
"You're not going to ask me what they did this time that made me dance under my tree in my crazy socks?"
"Nope, if you're acting like you've lost your mind I'm pretty sure you have a good reason and I would rather just let you continue with whatever it is your doing than interrupt you."
Well that just took the fun right out of it for me. I don't know about you guys, but sometimes I like to do weird stuff like dance under my tree and generally act like my brain has gone missing just because most people will ask why. When the boyfriend just let it go I was thinking to myself "What do I have to do to make him really ask WHAT THE HELL?" So far I haven't found it...
One day my dear, one day I will finally do that one thing that will make you stop and go "Willow, what in the hell are you doing? Have you lost your mind," and then you will laugh at the insanity that is Willow and I will finally have the satisfaction of surprising you!
Being Green As a Green Witch
Everyone knows that in pretty much again Pagan circle you enter we are generally environmentally minded people. For me, as a green witch, being green means a lot. I'm very connected with my environment (or at least I was and I am now reforging that relationship with the earth), and I've always been an environmentally minded person. So when I found this blog called Big Green Head through Seededbuzz I just had to write about it. This blogger's post is called 8 Ways to Be Green This Fall, but I wanted to write about being green from a green witch's point of view.
In Paganism, we view the earth as our mother, our home, our friend, and our source of energy. The same beliefs hold true for a green witch. How do we keep from tainting our mother, home, friend, and energy source? Keep it clean. Make a point to recycle. Don't throw out old clothes, take them to a donation center, be crafty and make your own home decorations, and do not throw trash out of your car's window. That is actually my pet peeve. My truck is filled with so much junk right now because I refuse to use Texas as my trash can. I can't count how many times I've been in a friend's car and watched them throw an entire McDonald's back full of crap out on the side of the road.
As a green witch seeing people throw trash on the ground personally hurts me. I try not to make a huge deal about it when it happens, usually I'll just hold the trash in my lap and when asked if I'm going to throw it out I'll just say, "No I'll hold on to it, I don't like littering," and then I get looked at like a weirdo and the situation is over. I also make a point to pick up litter any time I see it during my spare time. It is very important to take care of the earth and the environment around us. I of course don't have to tell you just how important it is, you guys love the earth just as much as I do! I just thought I would share my opinion as a green witch!
In Paganism, we view the earth as our mother, our home, our friend, and our source of energy. The same beliefs hold true for a green witch. How do we keep from tainting our mother, home, friend, and energy source? Keep it clean. Make a point to recycle. Don't throw out old clothes, take them to a donation center, be crafty and make your own home decorations, and do not throw trash out of your car's window. That is actually my pet peeve. My truck is filled with so much junk right now because I refuse to use Texas as my trash can. I can't count how many times I've been in a friend's car and watched them throw an entire McDonald's back full of crap out on the side of the road.
As a green witch seeing people throw trash on the ground personally hurts me. I try not to make a huge deal about it when it happens, usually I'll just hold the trash in my lap and when asked if I'm going to throw it out I'll just say, "No I'll hold on to it, I don't like littering," and then I get looked at like a weirdo and the situation is over. I also make a point to pick up litter any time I see it during my spare time. It is very important to take care of the earth and the environment around us. I of course don't have to tell you just how important it is, you guys love the earth just as much as I do! I just thought I would share my opinion as a green witch!
Crippled By Fear
I've read and reread what I wrote in yesterday's post, and then I went to the track with Miss J and had a good talk and walk with her. During that talk she told me about her relationship with her boyfriend of eight years and how at times she resents him because he has changed her so much. That story would take a lot of telling so I'll just leave it at that for now. While she was telling me about that, I started thinking about everything I had said in my post. And yes I can have a coherent conversation with her while still thinking about my issues as well lol. Somewhere in the middle of her telling me about all her problems I found my problem.
I've done a post on fear before and how it can be crippling. Well now I let myself get crippled by fear. Grandma dying shook me to the core, and it was understandable for me to question a lot of things, but I am a little angry with myself for allowing myself to become so overwhelmed by what Granddad said that I was afraid to be myself again. I'm a proud green witch (and learning everyday what it's like to be a kitchen witch) but after Granddad told me he thought I had released the devil on Gram (paraphrasing of course, yall remember exactly what I said lol) I became so afraid of my natural abilities, because what if he was right? What if my gifts were actually evil and I didn't know it? What if I really had killed Grandma?
But the more I thought about my time as a witch the more I realized that I've helped many people. I've healed friends, I've helped my friends deal with pain, I've helped them become better people, and they've all helped me. I allowed the fear to cripple me. And the really sad part is, it was the normal everyday Christian threat that scared me. Because I wasn't conforming to exactly what they wanted I had released the devil and caused my beloved Grandma pain. That's what Granddad wanted me to believe. I still love him very much, and I understand where he is coming from, but I have to find my way on my own. Him telling me I released the devil on people is not a helpful thing, but he also had his way of telling me I would never see Grandma again if I didn't change my ways and that if I didn't follow the bible exactly to a T I would end up in hell. Of course at the time of Gram's death I was so vulnerable and miserable that I allowed all of that to get into my head.
But now, no more will I allow fear to cripple me, no more will I try to hide my gifts in a little box inside of me, and no more will I try to stay off the path that is mine. After my first post about fear and it's crippling effects, I also posted a Releasing Fears Meditation. I will be using that to work through the issues. Click the links above to view the meditation for yourself and to view the first post on fear. I think after I've worked through this again I'll start Self-Empowering Mondays back up.
I've done a post on fear before and how it can be crippling. Well now I let myself get crippled by fear. Grandma dying shook me to the core, and it was understandable for me to question a lot of things, but I am a little angry with myself for allowing myself to become so overwhelmed by what Granddad said that I was afraid to be myself again. I'm a proud green witch (and learning everyday what it's like to be a kitchen witch) but after Granddad told me he thought I had released the devil on Gram (paraphrasing of course, yall remember exactly what I said lol) I became so afraid of my natural abilities, because what if he was right? What if my gifts were actually evil and I didn't know it? What if I really had killed Grandma?
But the more I thought about my time as a witch the more I realized that I've helped many people. I've healed friends, I've helped my friends deal with pain, I've helped them become better people, and they've all helped me. I allowed the fear to cripple me. And the really sad part is, it was the normal everyday Christian threat that scared me. Because I wasn't conforming to exactly what they wanted I had released the devil and caused my beloved Grandma pain. That's what Granddad wanted me to believe. I still love him very much, and I understand where he is coming from, but I have to find my way on my own. Him telling me I released the devil on people is not a helpful thing, but he also had his way of telling me I would never see Grandma again if I didn't change my ways and that if I didn't follow the bible exactly to a T I would end up in hell. Of course at the time of Gram's death I was so vulnerable and miserable that I allowed all of that to get into my head.
But now, no more will I allow fear to cripple me, no more will I try to hide my gifts in a little box inside of me, and no more will I try to stay off the path that is mine. After my first post about fear and it's crippling effects, I also posted a Releasing Fears Meditation. I will be using that to work through the issues. Click the links above to view the meditation for yourself and to view the first post on fear. I think after I've worked through this again I'll start Self-Empowering Mondays back up.
9/27/2010
Religion=Confusion
As some of you guys know, I began my religious life as a Catholic. I found Wicca and liked what I saw, then I grew tired of how ritualistic Wicca was and moved on to Paganism. I was proud to call myself a Green Witch because that is what resonated with my soul. The path of the Green Witch (and I'm referring to the actual path, not to be confused with the book The Way of The Green Witch) is comfortable and perfect for me. However, after Gram died, I began questioning everything I had come to believe about religion.
Gram had been a firm believer in Christianity. Now, that's not saying that she shoved the bible down people's throats, but she was very close with God and had been known to see visions of Jesus. But she was also very gifted in the magickal realm as well. She had an uncanny way of healing people with her cooking and she absolutely loved herbs. During the two days I got to have with her before she died, I remember a book she kept beside her at all times and surprisingly it was not the bible. She had a book about herbs that she had always loved. That's what she kept with her during her last few days. She knew when any of us kids were upset, no matter how far away we were from her (distance wise that is). She knew when we would call, she knew when we would show up. Gram was a kitchen witch (and an extremely powerful one) in her own right.
One night, after Gram died, I'd moved back to the ranch, and Granddad and I started having a conversation about religion. There was one time, right after I had graduated from high school when I decided to take my books about Wicca to the ranch with me. My mom had bought them for me, she'd read them with me, and she's always supported me on my Pagan path, so I thought Gram and Granddad would be as accepting as Mom had been... I'd thought wrong. According to Granddad he had felt so much evil coming from those books that he wanted to burn them and Gram told him not to burn them just to get them out of the house. I actually don't remember ever taking them into the house. I remember leaving them in the front seat of my car and Gram telling me she didn't like them being there and that she was worried I would get hurt with books like that in my car.
Needless to say, after Gram telling me she thought I would get hurt with those books in my car, I hid them in the trunk of my car so she would stop worrying about it. However, about a year or so after that incident, Gram shattered her knee. She had been running through the house trying to answer the phone and tripped on an exercise machine and shattered her knee. Shortly after that, she was trying to go to the bathroom by herself, lost her balance and fell again. She tried to catch herself and instead broke her wrist on the bathtub. Now while all of that had been happening I was living with my mom and only saw Gram on holidays. At the time I had gone to school to be a nail tech so after the brace on Gram's wrist came off I was constantly giving her hand massages and manicures to keep her spirits up. When it came time for Gram to do her physical therapy she was released to do it at home but she had to be pushed to do it. Granddad was busy and couldn't always be there for her to do push her to do her physical therapy so I moved back in to help. There were many times I pushed Gram through that physical therapy and there were many times she threatened to beat me stupid, but we got through it and her leg was fine again.
While Granddad and I discussed the things that had happened to Gram then, he told me that I had brought the devil into their house with those books about Wicca and that it was the devil attacking Gram that made her shatter her knee and break her wrist. You don't know how bad that tore me apart. I told Granddad that I never would have set something like that on Gram, and he said, "Well how were we supposed to know? You would never talk to us, you pulled away from us, and for all we knew it was something you had done directly to your grandmother." I'm shaking and crying just retyping those words. I would have died for my grandma, I would have killed for her. And when Granddad said for all they know I could have been doing that directly to my grandma I nearly fell apart.
Apparently he had the time Gram went through that mixed with a time in my life that was one of the rougher times of my life. What he was referring to when he said I wouldn't talk to them was a time when I was dating a drug dealer and doing drugs myself (which I mixed up in and got out of long before Gram shattered her knee). For obvious reasons there were things I couldn't tell them, that didn't mean that I didn't love them and the fact that Granddad would even mention that as a reason why he thought I would directly attack my grandmother with bad magick killed something inside of me. It almost made me wonder if maybe I had released the devil on Grandma and because I wouldn't give up magick and being close with the Goddess the devil had put the cancer in her which in turn would make it my fault that she died.
So after Gram died, I wanted to be better. I didn't ever want to cause any of my family pain like that EVER again. So I started reading the bible and trying to understand it the way Granddad told me Gram understood it. But going back to Christianity isn't right for me. It wasn't right for me in the beginning and it isn't right for me now. I still love Aphrodite. I still fell total comfort and total peace when she lays her hand on my shoulder, which she has done quite often here lately. However, I still believe in God and Jesus' teachings are great teachings. I've been doing some research, trying to figure out a way to blend the two religions together. Despite how much I say I don't care what other people think, I don't want to lose my friends. Mar knows the things I'm going through with this, but my relationship with my boyfriend is new enough that this isn't something I want to discuss too deeply with him yet, and Miss J just keeps telling me to read the book The Shack.
Why does it always have to be so confusing? And why do I feel like I have to put a label on my beliefs? I ask myself these questions and the only thing I can say to myself is that even though I've been taught to believe that labels are wrong, I still want to find a way to label my beliefs. I know I am a Witch, in my own right, with my own gifts, my own strengths and weaknesses, and I know I received new gifts from Gram when she passed on. But how can I be okay with my religious beliefs? I know I'm not evil. I know the things I do are not bad and I know believing in the Goddess is not wrong, but I feel like because I also believe that God is powerful and Jesus was a great teacher I don't necessarily fit in with the Pagan community as well as I used to, but because I believe in the Goddess I definitely don't belong in any of the churches around here.
I've studied up a little on Christo-Pagan beliefs, and the kinds of people that believe in them, and I have to say that area is very discouraging to me. I found one blog where a very bitter person was complaining saying they were outcasts from both Christianity and Paganism and while I read what that person had to say all I could think was, "The Pagans I know aren't that closed minded. We don't scream out YOUR A CHRISTIAN SO YOU CAN'T HANG OUT WITH US," but that was exactly how he said he was treated. Now I can understand the church saying "Because you're a Pagan, you can't be Christian," because the church has some very strict rules (that in all honesty are sort of hypocritical). I'm comfortable with you guys... Y'all are very accepting and understanding and that makes me even more confused lol...
I know, I know I have a problem with over thinking things but why in the hell does religion and the way people believe or how they choose to worship have to be such a big deal and so damn confusing? And why am I so confused by all this? While writing this I had moments of wonderful clarity where I said to myself, "Okay I've got this, I know who I am, my readers know who I am, and I know what I believe, shouldn't that be enough," but then that cloud of confusion descends again and I'm left going, "What the hell, I thought I had it figured out." I'm sorry this post is so damn long guys, I just had to put all that out there. As always your opinions are welcome (and they'll probably be much more helpful than me sitting here trying to figure things out by myself) so please leave your opinions in the comments. Thanks for listening (I mean reading) guys. Bright blessings.
Gram had been a firm believer in Christianity. Now, that's not saying that she shoved the bible down people's throats, but she was very close with God and had been known to see visions of Jesus. But she was also very gifted in the magickal realm as well. She had an uncanny way of healing people with her cooking and she absolutely loved herbs. During the two days I got to have with her before she died, I remember a book she kept beside her at all times and surprisingly it was not the bible. She had a book about herbs that she had always loved. That's what she kept with her during her last few days. She knew when any of us kids were upset, no matter how far away we were from her (distance wise that is). She knew when we would call, she knew when we would show up. Gram was a kitchen witch (and an extremely powerful one) in her own right.
One night, after Gram died, I'd moved back to the ranch, and Granddad and I started having a conversation about religion. There was one time, right after I had graduated from high school when I decided to take my books about Wicca to the ranch with me. My mom had bought them for me, she'd read them with me, and she's always supported me on my Pagan path, so I thought Gram and Granddad would be as accepting as Mom had been... I'd thought wrong. According to Granddad he had felt so much evil coming from those books that he wanted to burn them and Gram told him not to burn them just to get them out of the house. I actually don't remember ever taking them into the house. I remember leaving them in the front seat of my car and Gram telling me she didn't like them being there and that she was worried I would get hurt with books like that in my car.
Needless to say, after Gram telling me she thought I would get hurt with those books in my car, I hid them in the trunk of my car so she would stop worrying about it. However, about a year or so after that incident, Gram shattered her knee. She had been running through the house trying to answer the phone and tripped on an exercise machine and shattered her knee. Shortly after that, she was trying to go to the bathroom by herself, lost her balance and fell again. She tried to catch herself and instead broke her wrist on the bathtub. Now while all of that had been happening I was living with my mom and only saw Gram on holidays. At the time I had gone to school to be a nail tech so after the brace on Gram's wrist came off I was constantly giving her hand massages and manicures to keep her spirits up. When it came time for Gram to do her physical therapy she was released to do it at home but she had to be pushed to do it. Granddad was busy and couldn't always be there for her to do push her to do her physical therapy so I moved back in to help. There were many times I pushed Gram through that physical therapy and there were many times she threatened to beat me stupid, but we got through it and her leg was fine again.
While Granddad and I discussed the things that had happened to Gram then, he told me that I had brought the devil into their house with those books about Wicca and that it was the devil attacking Gram that made her shatter her knee and break her wrist. You don't know how bad that tore me apart. I told Granddad that I never would have set something like that on Gram, and he said, "Well how were we supposed to know? You would never talk to us, you pulled away from us, and for all we knew it was something you had done directly to your grandmother." I'm shaking and crying just retyping those words. I would have died for my grandma, I would have killed for her. And when Granddad said for all they know I could have been doing that directly to my grandma I nearly fell apart.
Apparently he had the time Gram went through that mixed with a time in my life that was one of the rougher times of my life. What he was referring to when he said I wouldn't talk to them was a time when I was dating a drug dealer and doing drugs myself (which I mixed up in and got out of long before Gram shattered her knee). For obvious reasons there were things I couldn't tell them, that didn't mean that I didn't love them and the fact that Granddad would even mention that as a reason why he thought I would directly attack my grandmother with bad magick killed something inside of me. It almost made me wonder if maybe I had released the devil on Grandma and because I wouldn't give up magick and being close with the Goddess the devil had put the cancer in her which in turn would make it my fault that she died.
So after Gram died, I wanted to be better. I didn't ever want to cause any of my family pain like that EVER again. So I started reading the bible and trying to understand it the way Granddad told me Gram understood it. But going back to Christianity isn't right for me. It wasn't right for me in the beginning and it isn't right for me now. I still love Aphrodite. I still fell total comfort and total peace when she lays her hand on my shoulder, which she has done quite often here lately. However, I still believe in God and Jesus' teachings are great teachings. I've been doing some research, trying to figure out a way to blend the two religions together. Despite how much I say I don't care what other people think, I don't want to lose my friends. Mar knows the things I'm going through with this, but my relationship with my boyfriend is new enough that this isn't something I want to discuss too deeply with him yet, and Miss J just keeps telling me to read the book The Shack.
Why does it always have to be so confusing? And why do I feel like I have to put a label on my beliefs? I ask myself these questions and the only thing I can say to myself is that even though I've been taught to believe that labels are wrong, I still want to find a way to label my beliefs. I know I am a Witch, in my own right, with my own gifts, my own strengths and weaknesses, and I know I received new gifts from Gram when she passed on. But how can I be okay with my religious beliefs? I know I'm not evil. I know the things I do are not bad and I know believing in the Goddess is not wrong, but I feel like because I also believe that God is powerful and Jesus was a great teacher I don't necessarily fit in with the Pagan community as well as I used to, but because I believe in the Goddess I definitely don't belong in any of the churches around here.
I've studied up a little on Christo-Pagan beliefs, and the kinds of people that believe in them, and I have to say that area is very discouraging to me. I found one blog where a very bitter person was complaining saying they were outcasts from both Christianity and Paganism and while I read what that person had to say all I could think was, "The Pagans I know aren't that closed minded. We don't scream out YOUR A CHRISTIAN SO YOU CAN'T HANG OUT WITH US," but that was exactly how he said he was treated. Now I can understand the church saying "Because you're a Pagan, you can't be Christian," because the church has some very strict rules (that in all honesty are sort of hypocritical). I'm comfortable with you guys... Y'all are very accepting and understanding and that makes me even more confused lol...
I know, I know I have a problem with over thinking things but why in the hell does religion and the way people believe or how they choose to worship have to be such a big deal and so damn confusing? And why am I so confused by all this? While writing this I had moments of wonderful clarity where I said to myself, "Okay I've got this, I know who I am, my readers know who I am, and I know what I believe, shouldn't that be enough," but then that cloud of confusion descends again and I'm left going, "What the hell, I thought I had it figured out." I'm sorry this post is so damn long guys, I just had to put all that out there. As always your opinions are welcome (and they'll probably be much more helpful than me sitting here trying to figure things out by myself) so please leave your opinions in the comments. Thanks for listening (I mean reading) guys. Bright blessings.
Inspiring Witches Halloween Blog Party
This year I want to host a blog party. I've seen them everywhere and I wanted to jump on the band wagon. So I came up with this idea: The Inspiring Witches Halloween Blog Party!
Halloween is the witch's season, so in my mind that makes the month of October the witch's month. Everyone has someone who inspires/inspired us, so this blog party is dedicated to those that inspire us! Choose any witch that was an inspiration to you and write about them or post pictures, videos, whatever you like, just be sure and share with us which witch inspires you! The witch that you choose can be real or fictional like Sabrina the Teenage Witch, the girls from Charmed, Samantha from Bewitched, heck even Jeannie from I Dream of Jeannie (even though she's not a witch, she's a genie, you have to admit she's pretty inspirational). So, which witch is which and who will you pick?
Share you're inspiration with everyone on October 13th! Leave a comment here if you would like to participate and I will add a list of all participating blogs. Then on October 13th open your doors and share who inspired you to become the wonderful witch you are! Maybe we can make this a yearly thing my friends, it's all up to you!
Now on to the technical... Please be sure to have a post up by October 13th and leave a link to that post with me so people can share the inspiration. Also, it's a bit of a downer to arrive on someone's blog expecting to see their part of a blog party only to realize they didn't post anything so if you sign up and find out you won't be able to participate please contact me so I can remove your name from the listing. I will be providing a button for those of you wanting to participate. You can grab it here or off my sidebar, which ever you would like to do!
9/26/2010
I Hate My Job
I work at a local convenience store here where I live and I hate it. I've always hated working in convenience stores but when I got hired for this job I was so thankful because I hadn't been working for a while and I desperately needed the money. But after just a week of working my manager informed me he was having to cut back everyone's hours because labor was too high. I thought "Okay, that's no big deal, labor is gonna be rough right now anyway because the tourist season is over and things are gonna start slowing down again." But on the next schedule two girls younger than me had 32 hours a piece, and I only had 16 hours. At first I thought nothing of it because I had been sick and my manager had been sending me home for me to get better.
But the next week it was no better. I had 16 hours and the other girls had 32 along with everyone else having way more than me. Then my manager told me I had to start stepping up and showing him something or I wasn't going to work out. I couldn't figure that out because I'm a worker, if I go in to work somewhere I give it my all. The boyfriend and I talked about it because it was really starting to bug me that I had so little hours and everyone else did and then I got griped at by my manager. We came to the conclusion that my manager was giving me less hours because everyone else I work for has kids and I don't. It's not that I don't want kids. Eventually I want my own children and my own family, but it's just not time for me to have them yet. It irritates me that just because these little 18 year old girls have kids he's giving them more hours than me after he preaches about how fair a manager he is.
Today is pay day, so I went up to the store around noon like I was told to last time and the assistant manager was glaring at me. I couldn't for the life of me figure out what her problem was. Then I went back and checked the schedule. I had it in my head that the new schedule came out every Sunday, the same day we got paid, but apparently they come out every Friday and no one had seen fit to tell me this. So I was supposed to have gone to work at 11 this morning and I'd had no idea about it. Now at 2 the checks are in (finally) and I could hear my manager in the background saying, "She should have brought her ass to work." I was looking for another job anyway because I don't like working in convenience stores at all but now I'm definitely putting more into the job search.
I'll be going to another fast food place here in town and applying there tomorrow because Miss J's little brother just got hired there and he told me they are paying the people that have had previous experience with places like Pizza Hut, McDonald's, etc, higher than they are those that don't have that experience and I have that experience so maybe this time will be better. Now I have to go up to the store and face my manager and I would rather eat nails. I know he's going to gripe me out again, and I'm already mad at him, so I'm really afraid of what's going to happen. But I know if I want to be an adult and live on my own and work and everything else that goes along with being an adult I have to go up there, behave, and act like the adult I'm trying to be.
But the next week it was no better. I had 16 hours and the other girls had 32 along with everyone else having way more than me. Then my manager told me I had to start stepping up and showing him something or I wasn't going to work out. I couldn't figure that out because I'm a worker, if I go in to work somewhere I give it my all. The boyfriend and I talked about it because it was really starting to bug me that I had so little hours and everyone else did and then I got griped at by my manager. We came to the conclusion that my manager was giving me less hours because everyone else I work for has kids and I don't. It's not that I don't want kids. Eventually I want my own children and my own family, but it's just not time for me to have them yet. It irritates me that just because these little 18 year old girls have kids he's giving them more hours than me after he preaches about how fair a manager he is.
Today is pay day, so I went up to the store around noon like I was told to last time and the assistant manager was glaring at me. I couldn't for the life of me figure out what her problem was. Then I went back and checked the schedule. I had it in my head that the new schedule came out every Sunday, the same day we got paid, but apparently they come out every Friday and no one had seen fit to tell me this. So I was supposed to have gone to work at 11 this morning and I'd had no idea about it. Now at 2 the checks are in (finally) and I could hear my manager in the background saying, "She should have brought her ass to work." I was looking for another job anyway because I don't like working in convenience stores at all but now I'm definitely putting more into the job search.
I'll be going to another fast food place here in town and applying there tomorrow because Miss J's little brother just got hired there and he told me they are paying the people that have had previous experience with places like Pizza Hut, McDonald's, etc, higher than they are those that don't have that experience and I have that experience so maybe this time will be better. Now I have to go up to the store and face my manager and I would rather eat nails. I know he's going to gripe me out again, and I'm already mad at him, so I'm really afraid of what's going to happen. But I know if I want to be an adult and live on my own and work and everything else that goes along with being an adult I have to go up there, behave, and act like the adult I'm trying to be.
Another New Idea
Just want to update on things that are going on right now. I've got another giveaway in the works so right now we have 2. The first giveaway the sponsor was pretty specific about how she wanted to work it so when I asked the second sponsor about a giveaway I thought she would be specific about it too but we're working things out together. I'm still new to the whole giveaway thing, the first and only one I ran here was from my personal book collection. So I'm excited to have this stuff in the works. I gave the second sponsor creative freedom on what she wanted to offer in the giveaway but if yall want to stop by her Etsy shop and check out her stuff to help me give her an idea on what yall would be more interested in, click here.
Next I want to discuss an idea I've been toying with for a little bit now. I love the movie The Nightmare Before Christmas, and I was thinking about doing a blog party in honor of it. Leave comments and suggestions for me. I'm not sure if I want to do this blog party now in honor of Halloween or if I want to do it around Christmas to bring a little bit of Halloween to Christmas. Leave me some comments and tell me what yall think!
Next I want to discuss an idea I've been toying with for a little bit now. I love the movie The Nightmare Before Christmas, and I was thinking about doing a blog party in honor of it. Leave comments and suggestions for me. I'm not sure if I want to do this blog party now in honor of Halloween or if I want to do it around Christmas to bring a little bit of Halloween to Christmas. Leave me some comments and tell me what yall think!
9/25/2010
Its Halloween Madness Already!
I was up late last night, scanning over other blogs and such, and I have to tell you guys, Halloween madness is here already! Which is so exciting! There is no limit to the giveaways and fun stuff going on in the blogosphere. Check out my sidebar for the ones I've had time to show lol. I need to start working on a button for the giveaway we'll be doing here. I'll be doing a giveaway starting on the 1st of October. The drawing for it will be on the 15th, the same day as the new name reveal. I'm still not going to tell you more than that my dears because I don't want to spoil the surprise but I'm so excited and I hope you guys will be too.
Later today I'll also be working on setting up another giveaway as well. I don't want to make any promises but I want to have at least 3 for the month of October. Of course, I'll be contacting the people early to give them an opportunity to say yes or no and get their inventory ready if need be, etc.
Anyway, on a personal note, I'm getting my washer and dryer today! And hopefully Mar will be visiting me today if she can come up with the gas money to come. So much excitement going on! How can anyone be depressed around Halloween? But if you are, if you need to talk I'll listen :)
Later today I'll also be working on setting up another giveaway as well. I don't want to make any promises but I want to have at least 3 for the month of October. Of course, I'll be contacting the people early to give them an opportunity to say yes or no and get their inventory ready if need be, etc.
Anyway, on a personal note, I'm getting my washer and dryer today! And hopefully Mar will be visiting me today if she can come up with the gas money to come. So much excitement going on! How can anyone be depressed around Halloween? But if you are, if you need to talk I'll listen :)
And Yet Another Giveaway.
I keep running into these everywhere lol... Here's a giveaway that's pretty awesome. There's one prize for every day of October. 31 prizes in 31 days. It's over at Artistic Halloween Queens and this is one I'm entering myself. Drop on over there and check it out!
A New Fun Giveaway
I came across a wonderful giveaway that I found at a blog I am very new to. If you haven't been there before, be sure to stop by Vintage Dragonfly. The artwork there is absolutely amazing. And they are hosting a really neat giveaway. Stop by there and check out the giveaway by clicking here.
Keep coming by daily to stay up to date on all the Halloween happenings that I find. I'll be sure and post about things as soon as I learn about them! And keep voting for the new name of the blog! I'm a little irritated with myself for setting the poll close date so far away lol... I wish I could rename the blog now lol!
Keep coming by daily to stay up to date on all the Halloween happenings that I find. I'll be sure and post about things as soon as I learn about them! And keep voting for the new name of the blog! I'm a little irritated with myself for setting the poll close date so far away lol... I wish I could rename the blog now lol!
9/24/2010
Happy Birthday Mom
I know I can be a pain in the ass. I know I can be hard to deal with, but I also know someone I can turn to when things start getting rough and I can't see straight. Someone who has always been there for me, whether it was when she was supporting me when I was learning magick and tarot, or going to school, or moving out on my own, or the loss of my beloved Grandma.
Mom, you've always been there for me and this year, even though we are 3 hours away from each other, I'm here celebrating your birthday. I don't have any tequila, but I do have some Jack, and we can have our own midnight margarita party over the phone if you want! I know I ask a lot from you and sometimes I can be a downright bitch, but I do love you! Happy birthday!
Mom, you've always been there for me and this year, even though we are 3 hours away from each other, I'm here celebrating your birthday. I don't have any tequila, but I do have some Jack, and we can have our own midnight margarita party over the phone if you want! I know I ask a lot from you and sometimes I can be a downright bitch, but I do love you! Happy birthday!
Practical Magic
This is one of my absolute favorite movies. I've watched this movie a billion times and it never gets old. The first time I ever saw this movie I watched it with my best friend Mar. From then on out it has been our movie, the one movie that describes our relationship to a T.
I want to share a video I found on YouTube that takes parts of the movie, mixed to music, that perfectly portrays my friendship with Mar. Although this video was made for someone else's best friend and in the end it says to my best friend Octavia, whoever that is lol, the music and video parts that the person chose for this compilation is perfect and I had to share it. I hope you guys enjoy this video as much as I did when I found it. Also, let me share my favorite quote from the movie, one that keeps me going when all the strange wacky stuff seems to be overwhelming everything else, "My darling girl, when are you going to realize that being normal is not necessarily a virtue? It rather denotes a lack of courage!" Thanks for stopping by during the Practical Magic Blog Party!
I want to share a video I found on YouTube that takes parts of the movie, mixed to music, that perfectly portrays my friendship with Mar. Although this video was made for someone else's best friend and in the end it says to my best friend Octavia, whoever that is lol, the music and video parts that the person chose for this compilation is perfect and I had to share it. I hope you guys enjoy this video as much as I did when I found it. Also, let me share my favorite quote from the movie, one that keeps me going when all the strange wacky stuff seems to be overwhelming everything else, "My darling girl, when are you going to realize that being normal is not necessarily a virtue? It rather denotes a lack of courage!" Thanks for stopping by during the Practical Magic Blog Party!
Getting Things Together
The blog is all dressed up and ready for Halloween. I'm not looking forward to putting it back after Halloween but for now I don't have to worry about it for a little over a month! I wrote my article for Mrs. B's 31 Days of Halloween and submitted it moments ago. Thankfully she liked it and I hope you guys do too when yall get to read it. I'm getting great responses to the poll for the new name for the blog. Yall keep voting and on the 15th of October I'll reveal the new name. Oh and guys please use the poll box. I've gotten a couple votes through just the comments and that's fine but I'm having to try to keep up with them by hand and I would absolutely hate it if I messed up and missed someone's vote. Let me know if yall can't see the poll box or if I need to move it or something. Anyway, I need to run to the post office to check the mail, but I'll be back ASAP because I still have to do my post for the Practical Magic Blog Party. So see yall soon and keep leaving me comments and voting on your favorite name for the blog!
Exciting Things In The Works!
So I did a little work yesterday, catching up on what's going on in the blogosphere and there are many exciting things happening. I will be participating in Mrs. B's 31 Days of Halloween as a guest blogger, later tonight I will be posting my post that will be participating in the Practical Magic Blog Party, and I am very excited to participate in The Domestic Witch's Halloween 2010 Blog Party. Plus I have a biggie for you guys... I have worked out a little giveaway for you guys, specifically in celebration of Halloween!
The giveaway I won't tell you much about right now because I want to launch it on October 1st as part of my own small 31 Days of Halloween. I of course am not trying to overshadow Mrs. B or copy her idea, but I personally love Halloween enough that I want to give it an entire month of celebration as well. So be sure and stop by every day in October to see what's going on over here in my little neck of the blogosphere.
The giveaway I won't tell you much about right now because I want to launch it on October 1st as part of my own small 31 Days of Halloween. I of course am not trying to overshadow Mrs. B or copy her idea, but I personally love Halloween enough that I want to give it an entire month of celebration as well. So be sure and stop by every day in October to see what's going on over here in my little neck of the blogosphere.
9/23/2010
A New Poll
All right guys, its time for me to start considering new names for the blog. I've come up with 4 different names and I can't choose between them. On the right hand side of the blog there is a poll box for you guys to vote on them. I would love to hear yalls opinions. The poll closes October 15. I wanted to give you guys ample time to choose. The choices are:
1. Crazy Witch's Experiences
2. Boo to You Too
3. As The Wheel Turns
4. Magick, Magick Everywhere
I very much like the last three. I could do without the first one, but I'll let you guys vote and tell me which one is yall's favorite.
1. Crazy Witch's Experiences
2. Boo to You Too
3. As The Wheel Turns
4. Magick, Magick Everywhere
I very much like the last three. I could do without the first one, but I'll let you guys vote and tell me which one is yall's favorite.
What is Mabon to Willow?
I've been catching up with everyone's blogs, in between spurts of cleaning my house (meaning my kitchen is clean but the living room and my bedroom could use some serious attention), and I realized that Mabon totally snuck up on me. All my life I've celebrated Mabon at Thanksgiving, but this year, I think I will shake things up and do things a little differently. To me, each holiday is a time for bettering yourself in one way or another, and I think Mabon should be all about balance.
Since Mabon is a holiday in between seasons it should be a time when you stop and look at your life (as should all the holidays and celebrations) and find a balance in things. Look for things that are dragging you down and try to cut them out of your life, then look at the things that are making your life better and try to find ways to make more time for them. Mabon is a time of thankfulness to me. Its a time to be thankful for the blessings in your life. This is not a time to look at the downers in your life and dwell on them, it's a time to look at everything that makes you happy and give thanks for them.
I think this year I will sit down by myself and write a list of all the things I am grateful for and leave an offering to Spirit for them. I'll also consider the things dragging me down and work on not focusing on them as much. Holidays are special to people in different ways, remember to not let the way other people celebrate them affect the way you want to celebrate them!
Since Mabon is a holiday in between seasons it should be a time when you stop and look at your life (as should all the holidays and celebrations) and find a balance in things. Look for things that are dragging you down and try to cut them out of your life, then look at the things that are making your life better and try to find ways to make more time for them. Mabon is a time of thankfulness to me. Its a time to be thankful for the blessings in your life. This is not a time to look at the downers in your life and dwell on them, it's a time to look at everything that makes you happy and give thanks for them.
I think this year I will sit down by myself and write a list of all the things I am grateful for and leave an offering to Spirit for them. I'll also consider the things dragging me down and work on not focusing on them as much. Holidays are special to people in different ways, remember to not let the way other people celebrate them affect the way you want to celebrate them!
Willow Is a Terrible Blogger
So guys, yet again I left yall with one little post and promised all kinds and left again. But that's life lol... So for this post, I'm not making any promises whatsoever. I am here to say I've missed you guys so much. I have today all to myself and was reading through my emails and realized that I missed yall and my blog and everything. Since the death, life has kind of been just a one day at a time thing. Being on the internet included looking at my Facebook page, checking on my tv and internet bill, and logging off. That's boring, and since I miss you guys so much, I want to be back on my blog way more often. I'm not promising I will be, but I am saying I want to be which means I probably will be lol.
So I want to hear how you guys are doing. Today I have vowed that I will stay at this computer and read everyone's blogs and catch back up on what everyone has been up to. And, I'll tell you guys what I've been up to. In the last post, I was working as a waitress in town and was about to be promoted to shift leader. We had a new manager come in that was not a very nice man, he treated everyone up there like they were lower than dirt, so I quit that job. I am now working as a cashier in a convenience store here in town and I don't like it, but at the time it was the only job available. I'll keep looking for other jobs but for now this one is paying the bills.
I have met a guy that quickly became very important to me. After Gram died, I didn't want to date anyone, and as a natural consequence of wanting to be alone, I was inundated by males wanting something from me, mostly sexual somethings. However, one guy showed up in my life and while we were nice to each other and we hung out and stuff, neither one of us wanted a relationship at the time. We are now dating, and believe me, it's strange to hear myself say that because I've been single for over 3 years. We had our first kiss just the other night, and I have to say it is so nice to be in a relationship that is as simple as this one is right now.
In all the past relationships there was always pressure to be a certain way, act a certain way, have sex, be perfect, and with this guy all I have to be is me. He knows that I've studied Paganism, he knows that I am deeply "superstitious" and that I truly believe in magick, and he accepts me just the way I am, because he believes in magick as well. Its a breath of fresh air to be so utterly and completely accepted. Yall will probably be hearing about him a lot and I don't want to give him a made up name so from now on he'll be referred to as my boyfriend and the boyfriend.
Now, on to other things... I'm trying to find a smaller place to live. Currently I live in a 3 bedroom trailer house that costs $450 a month in rent. My landlady is insane. She came to my house after two weeks of me living here and told me a certain friend of mine (the boyfriend's cousin) could not come over to my house simply because she didn't like him. She told me if she caught that person on the property again "We would have issues," and to be honest with you, that ticked me off. I don't like being told how I can live my life, and I definitely don't like being told who I can and can't have in my house. On top of that, since the boyfriend's cousin doesn't have a criminal background that includes drug trafficking, it is illegal for her to tell me he can't be over here. Then a couple weeks ago, she left me a voicemail telling me she knew my water hose hasn't been uncoiled and that I have to water the lawn. First off, what the hell was she doing at my house, looking at my water hose? That's just creepy. Second off, it's been raining quite a lot here lately and I refuse to spend money on my water bill to water the yard when Mother Nature is doing it for me. I've done some research and legally I can get a restraining order against her, and I could sue her for her telling me that my boyfriend's cousin couldn't be over here. My solution: find a new house and keep from having too many issues.
Finding a new house is proving to be an issue though. There are a couple available but the options are a little stifling. There is a three bedroom house available with a large backyard but they want $500 a month for it. There's a one bedroom house for $350 a month with a $350 deposit. It has a large backyard and gorgeous hardwood floors but the backyard literally butts up to a major highway, and the owners seem to be very new to the rental world and don't seem to know what they can and can't do. And then there's another one bedroom house for $350 a month with a $100 deposit. It has a fair sized front yard, no backyard, and to get to it's parking you have to drive through the alley and it's off the alley, behind the house. I have no idea if I can get into the available parking with my truck, and there is someone currently living there.
Now I've gotten used to living in a three bedroom place, even though it is just me by myself, so moving to a one bedroom place seems like a little bit of a downer, especially if I'm only saving $100 and losing 2 bedrooms. But, saving $100 is definitely something I need to do lol. So I'm considering the one bedroom place with the front yard. Eventually I want to adopt a dog, and although the place with the backyard would seem like a good place for that, the fact that it butts up to a major highway is an area of concern because I don't really like the idea of a squished animal. So hopefully this place will work out for me. Yall keep your fingers crossed for me.
Yall are gonna laugh at me, but I am buying a washer and dryer from one of my friends here in town, and I am so excited about owning a washer and dryer. It makes me feel like a regular member of society lol. I'm buying them tomorrow and they'll install them tomorrow as well. I can't wait to wash my first load of clothes! Previously, I've been driving 11 miles out to the ranch to do laundry, and there have been many times when I've just had to wear my cleanest dirty clothes, or hand wash a couple things in the bathtub because I didn't have the gas to go out to the ranch. Owning my own washer and dryer is so exciting because I know I'll be able to do laundry whenever I need to! I'm sure most of yall are laughing at me for being this excited about a stupid washer and dryer, and that's fine, just know that I'm excited, that's all yall need to know lol.
Anyway, I'm going to end this post and clean my house. I'll be back on later and I might have more to write about. Again, I've missed yall a lot, and I'm not gonna promise that I'll be here all the time like I want, because that might not happen lol, but I will try to be on way more often than once a month. Love, light, and blessings to you all!
So I want to hear how you guys are doing. Today I have vowed that I will stay at this computer and read everyone's blogs and catch back up on what everyone has been up to. And, I'll tell you guys what I've been up to. In the last post, I was working as a waitress in town and was about to be promoted to shift leader. We had a new manager come in that was not a very nice man, he treated everyone up there like they were lower than dirt, so I quit that job. I am now working as a cashier in a convenience store here in town and I don't like it, but at the time it was the only job available. I'll keep looking for other jobs but for now this one is paying the bills.
I have met a guy that quickly became very important to me. After Gram died, I didn't want to date anyone, and as a natural consequence of wanting to be alone, I was inundated by males wanting something from me, mostly sexual somethings. However, one guy showed up in my life and while we were nice to each other and we hung out and stuff, neither one of us wanted a relationship at the time. We are now dating, and believe me, it's strange to hear myself say that because I've been single for over 3 years. We had our first kiss just the other night, and I have to say it is so nice to be in a relationship that is as simple as this one is right now.
In all the past relationships there was always pressure to be a certain way, act a certain way, have sex, be perfect, and with this guy all I have to be is me. He knows that I've studied Paganism, he knows that I am deeply "superstitious" and that I truly believe in magick, and he accepts me just the way I am, because he believes in magick as well. Its a breath of fresh air to be so utterly and completely accepted. Yall will probably be hearing about him a lot and I don't want to give him a made up name so from now on he'll be referred to as my boyfriend and the boyfriend.
Now, on to other things... I'm trying to find a smaller place to live. Currently I live in a 3 bedroom trailer house that costs $450 a month in rent. My landlady is insane. She came to my house after two weeks of me living here and told me a certain friend of mine (the boyfriend's cousin) could not come over to my house simply because she didn't like him. She told me if she caught that person on the property again "We would have issues," and to be honest with you, that ticked me off. I don't like being told how I can live my life, and I definitely don't like being told who I can and can't have in my house. On top of that, since the boyfriend's cousin doesn't have a criminal background that includes drug trafficking, it is illegal for her to tell me he can't be over here. Then a couple weeks ago, she left me a voicemail telling me she knew my water hose hasn't been uncoiled and that I have to water the lawn. First off, what the hell was she doing at my house, looking at my water hose? That's just creepy. Second off, it's been raining quite a lot here lately and I refuse to spend money on my water bill to water the yard when Mother Nature is doing it for me. I've done some research and legally I can get a restraining order against her, and I could sue her for her telling me that my boyfriend's cousin couldn't be over here. My solution: find a new house and keep from having too many issues.
Finding a new house is proving to be an issue though. There are a couple available but the options are a little stifling. There is a three bedroom house available with a large backyard but they want $500 a month for it. There's a one bedroom house for $350 a month with a $350 deposit. It has a large backyard and gorgeous hardwood floors but the backyard literally butts up to a major highway, and the owners seem to be very new to the rental world and don't seem to know what they can and can't do. And then there's another one bedroom house for $350 a month with a $100 deposit. It has a fair sized front yard, no backyard, and to get to it's parking you have to drive through the alley and it's off the alley, behind the house. I have no idea if I can get into the available parking with my truck, and there is someone currently living there.
Now I've gotten used to living in a three bedroom place, even though it is just me by myself, so moving to a one bedroom place seems like a little bit of a downer, especially if I'm only saving $100 and losing 2 bedrooms. But, saving $100 is definitely something I need to do lol. So I'm considering the one bedroom place with the front yard. Eventually I want to adopt a dog, and although the place with the backyard would seem like a good place for that, the fact that it butts up to a major highway is an area of concern because I don't really like the idea of a squished animal. So hopefully this place will work out for me. Yall keep your fingers crossed for me.
Yall are gonna laugh at me, but I am buying a washer and dryer from one of my friends here in town, and I am so excited about owning a washer and dryer. It makes me feel like a regular member of society lol. I'm buying them tomorrow and they'll install them tomorrow as well. I can't wait to wash my first load of clothes! Previously, I've been driving 11 miles out to the ranch to do laundry, and there have been many times when I've just had to wear my cleanest dirty clothes, or hand wash a couple things in the bathtub because I didn't have the gas to go out to the ranch. Owning my own washer and dryer is so exciting because I know I'll be able to do laundry whenever I need to! I'm sure most of yall are laughing at me for being this excited about a stupid washer and dryer, and that's fine, just know that I'm excited, that's all yall need to know lol.
Anyway, I'm going to end this post and clean my house. I'll be back on later and I might have more to write about. Again, I've missed yall a lot, and I'm not gonna promise that I'll be here all the time like I want, because that might not happen lol, but I will try to be on way more often than once a month. Love, light, and blessings to you all!
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